


Snark & Sass

by serenelystrange



Category: Leverage
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, Sarcasm, Team Dynamics, so much sass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenelystrange/pseuds/serenelystrange
Summary: The team loves each other, truly. But they can't help being snarky mofos at the same time!OT3, but nothing explicit.For One_True_Houselight - Thank you for participating in the Leverage Secret Santa Exchange this year!
Relationships: Alec Hardison/Parker/Eliot Spencer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: Leverage Secret Santa Exchange (Mod Gifts)





	Snark & Sass

**Author's Note:**

  * For [one_true_houselight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_true_houselight/gifts).



“Hurry up!”

Hardison glares at Eliot, before focusing back on the machine in his hand that is running through the thousands of keypad lock combinations that are possible, looking for a match.

“Why don’t you just punch the steel door?” Hardison says, mockingly. “Maybe that will make you feel better.”

Eliot shoots him a dirty look, watching down the hallway behind them for any sight of the goons of the week.

“I’ll punch you through the steel door,” Eliot grumbles.

The light goes green on Hardison’s machine, and he grins.

“Promises, promises,” he says to Eliot, diving forward to plant a sudden kiss on his cheek before pulling away and smirking at Eliot’s flustered face.

“Dammit, Hardison,” Eliot groans, shoving Hardison into the now opened door ahead of him. They don’t have time for this!

“Took you long enough,” Parker says, lounging in the expensive leather desk chair in the crooked CEO’s ridiculously ostentatious office.

“How did you even get in here?” Hardison asks, waving the small hacking device in his hand. “The alarm should have gone off, and we only just now got through the hallway door.”

Parker shrugs and gestures towards the wall of windows, where there’s a conveniently Parker sized hole through one of them.

“We’re on the 27th floor!” Eliot says, with only mild disbelief at this point.

“He didn’t even have his office alarm on,” Parker says, rolling her eyes.

She motions toward the pile of suction-cup holders and her compact harness. “It was easier than beating Hardison at Uno.”

Eliot snorts in laughter and Hardison scoffs.

“You beat me because you cheat,” he tells her, pointing a finger accusingly.

“You have a tell,” Eliot says, smirking.

“We always know when you’re sitting on a draw-4,” Parker agrees.

“I do not have a….ok, what’s my tell?” Hardison asks, shoving the unlocking device into his black backpack and slinging it back over his shoulders.

“Wouldn’t be a tell if you knew what it was,” Eliot says, sharing a conspiratorial smile with Parker.

“It’s adorable, really,” Parker says.

“I truly hate you both,” Hardison says, with absolutely no truth behind his words. “Can we please just finish ruining this man’s life?”

“I am getting hungry,” Parker says, hopping up to her feet. “Let’s do this.”

They run into some security guards on the way out, but thanks to a quick change into some professional business clothes, they aren’t stopped.

“Ma’am,” one of the guards says to Parker, tipping his head towards her politely as they pass.

Parker gives the man a wide grin and scurries forward a little faster, hoping to avoid anything so terrible as small talk.

“ _Ma’am,”_ Eliot mocks, once their bad in the van and headed home, Nate and Sophie traveling behind them in Nate’s car.

“Someone had a little crush,” Hardison adds, laughing.

Parker punches them both on the arm, one by one, grinning somewhat viciously when they groan in pain.

“You say ma’am all the time,” Parker says to Eliot. She flips her hair dramatically and gives them what Hardison assumes is her best impression of Eliot flirting with a mark.

“ _Well, ma’am, I’m awfully sorry to bother you, but I think I’ve gotten myself turned around in this big ol city. Do you think you can help a poor country boy out?”_ She finishes her impersonation by batting her eyelashes coquettishly at the guys, and tipping an imaginary cowboy hat.

“I do not sound like that!” Eliot says.

“I mean, a little bit,” Hardison says, snickering at Eliot’s enraged expression.

“Surely do,” Parker says, drawling out her words the way Eliot does when he’s tired or especially inhebriated.

Eliot sighs and looks away, annoyed at his partners.

“I think it’s sweet,” Parker says, leaning forward from her backseat spot to run her hand through Eliot’s hair soothingly.

“Don’t you think a little head rub is gonna make me less annoyed at you,” Eliot says, fighting the urge to melt back against her expertly massaging fingers.

From the driver’s seat, Hardison snickers.

Sighing again, Eliot gives up and leans back in his seat, letting Parker massage his scalp to her heart’s delight. He can be annoyed again later.

“Just press the button thingy!” Sophie says to Nate, exasperated as the man tries and fails to get the video chat working on the office screen.

“Where the hell is Hardison?” Nate grumbles, ignoring Sophie’s instructions.

“In Brazil,” Sophie answer, drolly. “Which is why we are trying to get the video call to work. Which I’m sure even you can remember, Nathan.”

“He makes this look so much easier than it is,” Nate says, frowning down at the control pad on the counter. “He said all I would have to do is hit the big green button. I’m hitting the button, Sophie!” He presses the button again, pointing at the screen threateningly. The screen remains black.

As if on cue, Sophie’s phone rings and Hardison, Eliot, and Parker’s faces fill the small screen with a video call request. She looks at Nate with exasperation and accepts the call, turning so the three in Brazil can see both her and Nate.

“I pressed the damn button, Hardison,” Nate says, waving the remote in aggravation. “Why didn’t you just call this way to begin with if it’s that easy?” he asks, gesturing to the phone in Sophie’s hand.

Behind him, Parker whispers something in Eliot’s ear and they both snicker, shooting looks at Nate through the screen.

“Because,” Hardison says, “I thought your Old Man eyes would appreciate seeing what we found on a big screen. Excuse me for being considerate to a senior citizen!”

Nate sighs deeply. “I’m not even 60, Hardison.”

“Well, you ain’t 50 either,” Eliot says in a low voice to Parker, almost definitely still loud enough on purpose for Nate to hear.

“Just tell me how to get the screen to work,” Nate says. “Please,” he adds after a moment, begrudgingly.

Hardison peers at the remote Nate is holding and then over to the monitor when Sophie turns the camera so he can see.

“Well,” he says, visibly containing laughter. “It would help if you stopped trying to control the monitor with the robot vacuum remote.”

Behind him, Parker bursts into outright laughter and Eliot drops out of frame, presumably keeled over with laughter.

“You three are enjoying Brazil far too much,” Sophie notes, amused.

“Big green button!” Nate says. “You said all I needed to do was hit the big green button!”

“Lots of remotes have big green buttons,” Hardison says. “I bet you’re gonna have one REALLY vacuumed section of carpet in the closet, though.”

Beside Nate, Sophie gives in to her giggles, and Nate shoots her a betrayed glare.

“Don’t look at me like that, darling. It’s funny!”

Nate sighs again and rolls his eyes at his asshole pseudo-children.

“Just tell us what you’ve learned,” he says.

Hardison grins, and they finally, blessedly, get to work.

THE END


End file.
